Argh. I don't know if someone has even noticed I haven't been so active here DA than before, or that fact that I haven't submit new art for ages, but.. Now you know I haven't been very active for a while.

I have not any clear reason for that. I know just that I have had very much ideas for drawings and I have wanted to draw those ideas, but still I haven't done it. I have start with many of those, and then bored. I haven't even drew my comic-project although I have wanted to do that, or wrote my book, although I should have do that too.

Only thing I have got myself to do has been that Retriever of Death -painting, which I made for a work-mate of mine. It was very stressful work to me, but at the same time I was very happy to do that, I felt all the time "I just WANT to do that painting for him!"

And quess what - HE REALLY LIKED IT, he became so happy and smiling so much to me, when I gave that painting to him, that it made me feel that I'm some "important" person. I'm someone who is nice and good person.

But it feeling disappeared then, just day after it even came. I'm SO DEPRESSED again that I don't know what I shoul do - I just would like to cry and say stupid things to others. At the same time I would like to be alone and with others. Don't know.

For example today I was nervous and nearly in panic 'cause dad said we should go to give back two cars. I waited, waited and waited, and so frustrated to waiting. One of my workmates asked all the time, as joking, that "When you leave? Shouldn't you go already?" He is funny guy and didn't mean it badly, but I'm person who gets panic very easily, and that really was close to make a panic-attack for me.

And then I washed many cars. Always I got one finished, I though "this is the last one today!" there was then still one, and another one, and third one... It made so huge panic for me that then I got bored and angry, and then I said stupid things to two most nice work-mates of mine (another one said he had never before seen me angry...) and then I really got depressed, just suddenly start to feel that I would like to die.

Not a nice feeling. They even asked me to go out with them - having fun Friday evening, but it stressed me very much more, 'cause I am very seldom asked to "have fun" with no-one, and then there comes that only time when someone asks - and I CAN'T GO 'cause of my stupid Friday-works!!! It really made me feel more depressed and stressed. I can't wait that tomorrow (Saturday) I can just lay on my bed with my dogs, withoud doing nothing, if I don't want to do.

There is especially one thing, which has made me very angry last times; when people says to me "you should eat more, you are so thin!" It's not even true, and when they always says eat more and more and more, it gets me in very huge stress. I eat when I want, if I want.

I'm depressed also 'cause I haven't seen my brother-like friend for ages, and it feels like he wouldn't like to see me so hardly than I would like to see him, but... I can be just paranoid on this case. At least I hope so.

Blah, long journal this time. Ofcourse it can go so that tomorrow everything is "allright", or it at least feels that way, but today I feel depressed, stressed and angry, and I can't help it. I just am... like that.

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My old quitz:

Now we have a little quitz. You're ready? Good.
Here comes the question: What kind of art you like most to see in my Gallery?
Simply rules: You tell me, what kind pics you are most interested to see and what you hope me submit to my Gallery.
Notice: This doesn't mean that I will submit only that kind of pics what you answer to this. I submit what I want, but still I would like to know what my watchers would like to see here, and why.

Here are gategories:
1. Potter -art.
2. The Animals of Farthing Wood ("AOFW") stuff.
3. Jungle Book - Shonen Mowgli.
4. Funny mini-comics (for example like The Harmless Joke )
5. Own Characters (for example like OCs )
6. Ginga Nagareboshi Gin / Ginga Densetsu Weed ("GNG / GDW") stuff.
7. Black&white drawings (for example like this one )
8. Random/miscellaneous drawings (example: ink wolf )
9. Photographs, and what kind of photos then.

The stage is yours, tell me the truth.



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Clubs I'm in: